Badboy Outtakes
by Aena Paula -Echidna
Summary: Gaara outtakes continued! I finally watched the newer episodes!
1. Zabuza outtakes

***Zabuza bloopers. NEW SCENES IN CAPS. Please enjoy***  
  
ZABUZA DRAMATIC APPEARANCE – TAKE 1  
  
Kakashi: Get down!  
  
(a huge meat sword flies over their heads and lands in a tree with a satisfying **clunk**)  
  
Zabuza: (stands on his sword). I am Momochi Zabuza (blah blah blah). I will kill you. (tries pulling out his sword but it's stuck in the tree, fast)  
  
Director: Cut! Zabuza, what do you think you're doing?  
  
Zabuza: The goddamn thing's stuck!  
  
Kakashi: (sigh)  
  
ZABUZA DRAMATIC APPEARANCE – TAKE 2  
  
Kakashi: Get down!  
  
(a huge meat sword flies over their heads and thunks into a tree)  
  
Zabuza: (appears) I am Momochi Zabu...woah!!  
  
(the entire top of the tree topples over)  
  
Zabuza: Fuck! (crashes down onto the ground in a tangle of tree branches)  
  
Kakashi (to his students): Don't...say...a word.  
  
ZABUZA DRAMATIC APPEARANCE – TAKE 3  
  
Kakashi: Get down!  
  
Zabuza: (in complete anger with cuts and bruises all over him, hurls the sword, HARD)  
  
(it flies to the tree and lops off the top...then keeps going. Far off, the sound of a dead bird cawing in the distance....)  
  
Zabuza: God! That felt good!  
  
Director: CUT!! Zabuza! You are THIS close to being fired! Now fetch your sword!  
  
Zabuza: I don't want to do it! Haku!  
  
Haku: (buffering his fingernails) I only do your dirty work on-screen, not in real-life.  
  
Zabuza: Graaaawwrrr!!  
  
ZABUZA'S 1ST DEFEAT  
  
Zabuza: (is paralyzed by Haku's needles) Uggghhhh....  
  
Haku: (tries to lift Zabuza up but fails miserably) Goddammit, Zabuza, lose some weight why don'tcha?  
  
Zabuza: (was really paralyzed so is unresponsive) Uggghhhhh....  
  
Haku: Zabuza?...Zabuza!  
  
Director: OK, who replaced the fake needles with real ones?  
  
Sasuke: (holding up an empty bottle) Woah. 200mg, sir? That's enough to knock out a herd of cows.  
  
Zabuza: Zzzzzzzzzzzz....  
  
PREPARATIONS....  
  
Haku: (steps out of his dressing-room trailer wearing a pink kimono)  
  
Sasuke: (snickers)  
  
Haku: Shut the fuck up.  
  
HAKU CROSS-DRESSING SCENE  
  
Haku: (is in a grove picking flowers) I can't believe they make me do this like I care. Who THOUGHT up this character anyway?  
  
Director: At least wait till you're OFFSCREEN to say it!  
  
Haku: Oh.  
  
HAKU MEETS NARUTO – TAKE 1  
  
Naruto: Hi! I'm Uzumaki Naruto and when I grow up, I'm gonna be the Hokage!  
  
Haku: Yeah? Tough shit, kid.  
  
Director: Haku....  
  
Haku: Well, he knew he had it comin'!  
  
HAKU MEETS NARUTO – TAKE 2  
  
Naruto: I'm Uzumaki Naruto and when I grow up....  
  
Haku: You're gonna be the next Hokage, right?  
  
Naruto: (in awe) How did you know?  
  
Haku: :::I can hear your voice from 5 continents over....::: I'm psychic.  
  
Naruto: Really?  
  
Haku: No. Not really.  
  
Director: CUT! Haku, stop messing around!  
  
Haku: But he's just so innocent....  
  
Naruto: ???  
  
PREPARATIONS....  
  
Zabuza (back after sleeping for about a week): Why must I wear this unflattering vest? You can't even see my sexy muscles!  
  
Haku (in background): (gags)  
  
Director: We need this for your cut scene. And besides, all the better nin countries got to pick vest designs first so you should be lucky you even got one.  
  
Zabuza: (in anger, rips apart the vest with his teeth)  
  
Director: Ooookay, no vest for the next scene.  
  
THE PAST – WHEN ZABUZA MEETS HAKU – TAKE 1  
  
Zabuza: (appears in the snow in his topless uniform) ....AAAAAAACCHHHOOOO!  
  
Kid Being Little Haku: Ewwww. He got boogers all over me!  
  
Director: What did I tell ya?  
  
Zabuza: Just give me the goddamn vest!  
  
THE PAST – WHEN ZABUZA MEETS HAKU – TAKE 2  
  
Zabuza: (in FULL ninja garb. Glares down at the little mutt that is Haku)  
  
Little Haku: (starts peeing his pants) Waaahh!! Zabuza is scaaaaaryy!  
  
Zabuza: C'mon, sir, this is the 5th one today.  
  
Director: Well, maybe if you glared LESS evilly...or maybe....  
  
THE PAST – WHEN ZABUZA MEETS HAKU – TAKE 3  
  
Zabaza: (glares down at the kid that is Haku)  
  
Little Haku: (stares up monotonously)  
  
Zabuza: (glares even harder)  
  
Little Haku: (no response)  
  
Zabuza: Okay, kid, you passed the test. Let's go.  
  
Director: Hey...that's not part of the script....  
  
NARUTO LENDS ZABUZA HIS WEAPON – TAKE 1  
  
Zabuza: (both his arms are broken) Lend me your kunai, kid.  
  
Naruto: (throws it at Zabuza)  
  
Zabuza: (misjudges the timing and it **thwocks** him in the forhead. Is royally pissed). Do it again!  
  
Naruto: (throws it again. It again hits Zabuza in the head).  
  
Zabuza: Again!  
  
Naruto: ??? (throw. **Thwack!**)  
  
Kakashi: It's almost like he likes being hurt or something.  
  
Haku: (yawn) Tell me about it.  
  
Zabuza: Again!  
  
Naruto: **thwack!**  
  
NARUTO LENDS ZABUZA HIS WEAPON – TAKE 2  
  
Naruto: My arm is getting tired....  
  
Zabuza: (face completely covered with bruises) I'm gonna get it right this time!  
  
Haku: Zabuza, you're missing your front tooth.  
  
Zabuza: Shut up!  
  
Naruto: (doesn't even look this time, just tosses it to Zabuza like he's a dog)  
  
(kunai overshoots and flies over the bridge)  
  
Zabuza: (staring after it in slow-motion. Jumps)  
  
Haku: (also in slow-mo) Nooooooooooooooo....  
  
Zabuza: (trips over the bridge railing and falls into the river in one gigantic belly-flop)  
  
Sasuke: Ooooh, that was nasty.  
  
Naruto: Baka.  
  
NARUTO LENDS ZABUZA HIS WEAPON – TAKE 3  
  
Naruto: (bored) You sure you want to go through with this?  
  
Zabuza: I'm...sure....  
  
Naruto: (walks up to Zabuza until he's about a foot away. Stretches his arm up and tosses)  
  
Zabuza: (catches it)  
  
Naruto: Okay, can we just use that shoot?  
  
Director: No!  
  
Naruto: Baka.  
  
(In the end, this simple scene was completed using lots of special effects and computer graphics)  
  
ZABUZA KILLS GATOU  
  
Zabuza: (holding the kunai with his teeth, is about to go head-on with Gatou's gang)  
  
Kakashi: What are the odds of a crippled armless ninja defeating an army of well-equipped criminals using only a kunai in his mouth?  
  
Haku: 30 to 1, against.  
  
Sasuke: Make that 40.  
  
Kakashi: Hey, who else wants to bet? (is chipping his dollars in)  
  
Director: Hey, you can't do that on set! (whispers) By the way, here's my 50.  
  
Kakashi: Natch ^_~  
  
ZABUZA DEATH SCENE  
  
Kakashi: (shakes his head) I can't believe the bastard won. (will be sleeping in a shack tonight)  
  
Sasuke: At least he'll be dying so we'll never see him again.  
  
Zabuza: I heard that!  
  
BONUS FOOTAGE – SAYING FAREWELL  
  
(Sasuke and Haku shake each other's hands)  
  
Sasuke: I'm surrounded by idiots.  
  
Haku: I have Zabuza.  
  
(Kakashi and Zabuza are discussing)  
  
Kakashi: Look... I'm sorry about the dog thing.... I mean, biting your crotch and all.  
  
Zabuza: Yeah, well.... I've been through worse (is staring at Naruto's kunai).  
  
BONUS FOOTAGE – ZABUZA'S TRAILER  
  
Naruto (has stolen the director's mic): And here we are at Momochi Zabuza's trailer! Let's see what he's doing inside!! (walks up to the door and, without knocking, swings it open)  
  
Zabuza: !!  
  
Naruto: !!! (slams the door) Okay, ne-never mind! (runs up to Sakura) Sakura-chan, what does it mean when someone is ripping pieces of tape stuck with hot honey off their ass?  
  
Sakura: Uh...they're waxing their butt?  
  
Naruto: And here we have it! Zabuza is waxing his butt!  
  
Sakura: Oh, ewww! Naruto, that is so gross!  
  
Kakashi: Who's waxing their butt? Who's waxing their butt?  
  
Zabuza: You get the hell off my property you little runt! (is waving a piece of tape around...with what looks like animal hairs stuck on it)  
  
Sakura: Eeeeeeeekk!!!  
  
Kakashi: This should not be a sight for human eyes. 


	2. Gaara outtakes

GAARA OUTTAKES  
  
***Unfortunately, I only watched the anime up to the Chuunin preliminaries where Ino & Sakura were fighting each other. So it may be a little dated. But please enjoy anyway!***  
  
***NEW SCENES IN CAPS***  
  
PREPARATIONS....  
  
Gaara: Goddammit! TEMARI!  
  
Temari: (applying his eyeshadow) Well, maybe if you held still, it wouldn't get in your eye as much!  
  
Kankuro: YOU'RE complaining. Look at ME. (is daintily brushing his face with a powder brush). I can't believe they make me cover my beautiful face like this. I mean, come on! I'm totally hot!  
  
Gaara & Temari: ....  
  
Gaara: Actually, I think that's why you're covering it.  
  
Kankuro: Shut up!  
  
PREPARATIONS....  
  
Director: OK, for the first scene we'll need a bunch of sand---  
  
Gaara: ...I'm allergic to sand.  
  
Director: WHAT?!  
  
Kankuro: (peeping up from behind) It's true! If he even so much as touches sand, he'll swell up like a big, pink bubble gum!  
  
Naruto: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Director: Oh my god. Who ARE these people?  
  
PREPARATIONS....  
  
Gaara: WAAAAACHOOOO! *snoogleslorp*  
  
Director: God, he looks a mess.  
  
Chouji: He looks even more swollen than I do! *chomp chomp*  
  
PREPARATIONS....  
  
Gaara: (took a bunch of allergy pills) Okay, I think I'm ready. (looks completely drugged up)  
  
Director: Perfect!  
  
Temari: (whispers aside) At this rate, he won't even need eye makeup.  
  
Kankuro: Like totally. The kid's a total babe. He just needs some gooood sweet luvin'.  
  
Temari: Are you coming onto him?  
  
Kankuro: (smiling seductively) Why should it matter?  
  
Temari: (smirks) He's my boyfriend.  
  
Sakura, Hinata, & Ino: *cries*  
  
GAARA'S FIRST APPEARANCE – TAKE 1  
  
Gaara: (materializes on the tree RIGHT BESIDE SASUKE)  
  
Sasuke: Eek! (falls off)  
  
Naruto: ...Eek?  
  
Director: Gaara, Uchiha. You guys are SO dead.  
  
GAARA'S FIRST APPEARANCE – TAKE 2  
  
Gaara: (materializes on a tree branch upside-down)  
  
Sasuke: Oh, yeah? Well, I can do that too. (*schooops* right beside him)  
  
Naruto: Oh, yea? Me too! (*schooop*)  
  
Sakura: And me! *schooop*  
  
Director: Okay, guys. This isn't the Olympics here.  
  
(tree branch breaks, sending them all tumbling down)  
  
WHAT IS YOUR NAME? – TAKE 1  
  
Sasuke: What is your name?  
  
Temari: Who, me?  
  
Sasuke: No. The guy beside you.  
  
Kankuro: Me?  
  
Director: Cut! Stop fooling around! And where's Gaara?  
  
Gaara: (is undergoing another allergy attack)  
  
WHAT IS YOUR NAME? – TAKE 2  
  
Konohamaru: (runs out in a little Gaara outfit with a little flower vase strapped to his back) Gaara! You are so cool! I want to be your pupil!  
  
Gaara: ... I'm allergic to kids too.  
  
Naruto: But you're a kid yourself! Uh, huh!  
  
Gaara: I'm actually 18. I just look young.  
  
Konohamaru: (cries)  
  
Kankuro: Actually, you know what, kid? I think I'm allergic to you too. (runs off)  
  
Sasuke: Ye...yeah. Me too (runs away).  
  
Sakura: You guys are SO mean.  
  
KANKURO TAKES A PISS  
  
Kankuro: (is in the bathroom with Karasu) Those chuunin examiners. Didn't notice there was an extra examiner, eh?  
  
Karasu: (is staring at Kankuro)  
  
Kankuro: What? (sweatdrops heavily) St-stop staring at me! :::Oh, why do I have to be stuck with such a freak?::: (Hastily zips up his fly)  
  
Karasu: (falls over and nearly bites Kankuro's *ahem* off)  
  
Kankuro: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (Runs out of the urinal screaming)  
  
Karasu: (continues to chitter)  
  
Director: What's wrong with this doll? (lifts its head up) Battery low. Oh, well. By the way, Kankuro, you'll have to do this scene again.  
  
Kankuro: NOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
KANKURO RETURNS TO THE EXAM ROOM  
  
Kankuro: (opens the door with *ack!* Karasu)  
  
Everyone: (turns to look at him)  
  
Kankuro: What?  
  
Temari: So. The puppet that nearly bit off your penis, eh?  
  
Naruto: (snickers)  
  
Kankuro: How did you know?  
  
Gaara: We could hear you screaming "It bit at my dick! It bit at my dick!" as you ran down the hall. You were very loud, you know.  
  
Kankuro: But it was!! (behind him, Karasu falls over)  
  
All The Males In The Room: (flinch and reflexively cover their privates. Including all the chuunins. And Morino)  
  
Temari: You all are a bunch of wussies! Except for, you know, Gaara and all, since he's my boyfriend, you know? (rubbing it in all the girls' faces)  
  
Gaara: Um...yeah. (quietly removes his hand from his privates)  
  
Director: Can we get rolling? We're, like, seriously wasting film here.  
  
GAARA CHEATS – TAKE 1  
  
Gaara: (Hand above his eye and the other, palm up) Our optic nerves connected. Open the third eye. (swirl of sand and eyeball materializes)  
  
Gaara: Ooooh. Goopy (chucks it at the nearest person. Hits Sasuke in the head.)  
  
Sasuke: (death glare)  
  
Gaara: Sorry. Always wanted to do that.  
  
Naruto: (whispers) Next time, Gaara, pass it to me, okay?  
  
GAARA CHEATS – TAKE 2  
  
Gaara: Our optic nerves connected. Open the third eye.  
  
Eyeball: (materializes right on cue)  
  
Gaara: (Concentrates and squeezes the eyeball closed.)  
  
Eyeball: (bursts in a pile of goopy muck.)  
  
Sakura: Ewwww! I got goop all over me!  
  
Gaara: (face splattered in goop) Mmmm. Goop. (Takes a lick).  
  
Director: OK, Gaara, this is the LAST straw.  
  
GAARA CHEATS – TAKE 3  
  
Gaara: Our optic nerves connected. Open the third eye.  
  
Eyeball: (materializes. Complete with eyeshadow, mascara, the works.)  
  
Gaara: (turns around) Here, Temari. This is for you.  
  
Temari: (blushes) Awwww, that's so sweet! (Takes it and starts petting the lashes) I'll add it to the collection you already got me!  
  
Gaara & Temari: (start making kissy faces at one another)  
  
Naruto: That is...very disturbing.  
  
GAARA CHEATS – TAKE 4  
  
Gaara: Our optic nerves connected. Open the third eye.  
  
Eyeball: (materializes as usual)  
  
Gaara: (concentrates and closes his hand. Sand starts flying everywhere)  
  
Everyone: :::please let it not be me, please let it not be me.:::  
  
Ino: (sees an eyeball staring up at her) WAAAAAAHHHH!!!! (Flings it away) Just take my exam papers, okay?!  
  
Gaara: Okay thanks. (starts jotting down the answers)  
  
Director: ...You can't do that, you know.  
  
Chuunin: Technically, that means he cheated only once. (Starts jotting down random squiggles so it looks like he's actually doing his job)  
  
Director: Give that to me! (grabs away the Chuunin's clipboard and cracks it in two over his head). Who's next?!!  
  
Gaara: (is still jotting down the answers)  
  
TEAM GAARA VS. THE RAIN MEN – TAKE 1  
  
Rain Guy #1: Attack!! (Spokes start raining down on Gaara's Team)  
  
Temari & Kankuro: (immediately grab onto Gaara and scream for their lives)  
  
Gaara: What the---  
  
(sand wall builds up and immediately protects them all)  
  
Director: CUT!!  
  
Kankuro: What, you weren't seriously expecting me to just stand there, were you?  
  
Temari: Yeah, what kind of idiots do you take us for?  
  
Director: Do again!!  
  
TEAM GAARA VS. THE RAIN MEN – TAKE 2  
  
Rain Guy #1: Attack!! (spokes start raining down....)  
  
Kankuro: (throws Karasu at them)  
  
Rain Team: Waaaaaahhhh! (run away while holding their privates)  
  
Temari: Boy, that was easy.  
  
Karasu: (is biting at a guy's crotch while he tries fruitlessly to get away)  
  
Director: Again!  
  
TEAM GAARA VS. THE RAIN MEN – TAKE 3  
  
Rain Guy #2: Attack!!  
  
Rain Guy #1: (groaning and still rubbing his crotch)  
  
Gaara: (grabs Temari and jumps away)  
  
Kankuro: Hey, what the....Oh, no.... (spokes start raining down....)  
  
Director: Oh, god. How're we gonna scrape him off the ground?  
  
Kankuro: That wasn't me, that was Karasu. Always wanted to get rid of that stupid perv.  
  
All The Guys On Set: (cheers)  
  
TEAM GAARA VS. THE RAIN MEN – TAKE 4  
  
Rain Guy #2: Attack!! (aims for Gaara)  
  
Temari & Kankuro: (split in opposite directions)  
  
Gaara: (follows Kankuro) Hey, wait up.  
  
Kankuro: Don't follow me! Aww, nooooo!! (spokes start raining down...)  
  
Temari: Okay, that couldn't have been Karasu this time, because Karasu's not even in this take.  
  
Kankuro: (lying face down on the ground) I...I think I got a stick up my ass. Ow....  
  
TEAM GAARA VS. THE RAIN MEN – TAKE 5  
  
Rain Guy #1: Attack!! (back after recuperating)  
  
Kankuro: (performs Stand Still no Jutsu on Gaara and bolts) We're all counting on you li'l bro!  
  
Gaara: (can't move his legs) Hmph. (casually performs a couple of Desert Graveyards while standing stock still)  
  
Temari: (on the sidelines sipping lemonde) It's so useful to have him on our team, isn't it? (fans herself)  
  
Kankuro: Maybe.... (is sitting on a VERY soft cushion)  
  
GAARA PUTS A CORK ON IT  
  
Gaara: (holds up his hand towards the bushes where Kiba, Hinata, and Shino are hiding)  
  
Kankuro: We already have two scrolls. We should just leave....  
  
Gaara: Shut up!  
  
Temari: Gaara! Stop! Don't do this!  
  
Gaara: (turns to Temari and gives a stupid-happy grin) Anything for you, Temari.  
  
Temari: Awwww, I luv you too, my baby boo....  
  
Gaara & Temari: (start kissing and making out on screen)  
  
Kankuro: Ack! God! (tries to cover his eyes with his hands while taking a peak & wishing he was a girl right then and there. Yes, Gaara is THAT hot.)  
  
Director: Hey! This isn't a porno film, you know! Hey, stop filming!  
  
MEETING KIBA'S TEAM – TAKE 1  
  
Gaara's Team: (have passed the Forest of Death and run into Kiba's team at the tower)  
  
Gaara: (glares at Kiba's team)  
  
Akamaru: Yip! (reflexively pees all over Kiba)  
  
Kiba: Aww...Akamaru! (glares daggers at Gaara)  
  
Gaara: (glares back even harder)  
  
Kiba: Oh...wow. I think I need to go to the bathroom too. See ya! (throws Akamaru at his team mates and bolts)  
  
Kankuro: Wow, Gaara has a new technique! Pee-pee no Jutsu!  
  
Gaara: (glares at Kankuro until Kankuro starts running after Kiba)  
  
Temari: Uh...You know Karasu's with him, right?  
  
Everyone: (can hear Kankuro screaming from the bathroom)  
  
Kiba: Um...I think we need some paramedics here. Or a surgeon....  
  
MEETING KIBA'S TEAM – TAKE 2  
  
Gaara: (starts glaring)  
  
Hinata: Um...hi.  
  
Gaara: Uh...hi.  
  
Gaara & Kiba's Team: (stand around stupidly)  
  
Director: You're supposed to feel the tension! The fear!!  
  
Temari: But, you know, it's just so awkward. We don't even have any lines!  
  
Director: Do again!  
  
Gaara: (glares daggers at Director)  
  
Director: On...second thought. That take was good! Good.... (is already thinking of how he's going to Computer Graphic this simple scene)  
  
KANKURO VS. MISUMI  
  
(after the Forest of Death, the 1-on-1 elimination round has started)  
  
Kankuro: (holds Karasu up by the head) You already know what I'm going to do, right?  
  
Misumi: Please. Let's get this over with.  
  
Karasu: (unravels from the bandages and open its mouth revealing sharp teeth....)  
  
Naruto: God! (winces) He's really mauling him, ain't he? (finds that the nearest person to him is Gaara, who's not even paying attention because he's too busy making out with Temari.) Ooooookay, then. :::what a family of perverts!:::  
  
Kankuro: All right! I won!  
  
Karasu: (starts attacking Kankuro next)  
  
Kankuro: Woah! What the.... (runs around screaming while Karasu has a piece of black fabric from his butt hanging from its mouth)  
  
Sakura: Someone, get him out of there! Gaar...ooookay, never mind.  
  
Baki: (to Gaara & Temari) You two are animals! Must separate. (grabs Gaara by the back of the collar...) Oh, what the hell. (...and throws him in with Kankuro)  
  
Gaara: (lands butt-first on top of Kankuro and knocks him over)  
  
Kankuro: Mmmm, Gaara. Oh, my.  
  
Temari: If you do anything to him, Kankuro, I'll never forgive you!!  
  
Kankuro: Yeah, whatever, babe. (pics Gaara up and runs)  
  
All The Boys: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!  
  
Gaara: (turns around and aims over Kankuro's shoulder (and you know Kankuro liked it!) Does Desert Coffin. Misses.)  
  
Kankuro: Oh, Gaara. You don't know how long I've waited for this day!  
  
Gaara: Shut up. (misses again)  
  
Director: (back from his coffee break) So, what did I miss? OH, my lord.  
  
Gaara: (finally got it. Karasu is buried alive)  
  
Everyone But The Director: YESSSSS!!!!  
  
Hayate: *cough cough* *sputter* That was one of the best fights I've ever seen. Both of you pass. Except for that guy. (points to Misumi, whom someone kicks with his feet to make sure he's still alive)  
  
Kankuro & Gaara: Yay!  
  
Temari: (flies down) Are you okay, Gaara? Did that fat guy hurt you? (grabs Gaara's face so he looks like a pouty fish)  
  
Gaara: Noop.  
  
Kankuro: Hey, who you callin' a fat guy, bitch? (knocks Gaara out of the way)  
  
Temari: I'm callin' YOU a fat guy, bitch!  
  
Kankuro & Temari: (start pawing at each other like girls)  
  
Director: (sigh) Okay, let's just call it a day.  
  
Kankuro: Bitch!  
  
Temari: Bitch!  
  
Gaara: (can feel his allergies coming on) Oh, no.... 


	3. Kakashi outtakes

KAKASHI OUTTAKES  
  
new scenes in CAPS  
  
CASTING...  
  
Director (in his office): We need a guy whom all the ladies will swoon for. I mean, face it. Zabuza, Gaara...they were both crap! I want a single man who's not ridiculously muscular or too short.  
  
(just then, Janitor walks by bleaching the tiles. But, instead of working, he's crouching down reading a perverted novel. He wears a face mask to protect himself from the chloroform fumes)  
  
Director: You! Over there. What's your name?  
  
Janitor: (seems to take awhile to notice) Me?  
  
Director: Yeah. Come over here!  
  
Janitor: (shuffles over. His white hair is a mess and his janitorial overalls look scruffy)  
  
Director: (looks at his nameplate) So! You're Kakashi, eh? Well, how would you like to be a star?  
  
Kakashi: (scratches his head) I think I'd rather read perverted novels.  
  
Director: Perfect! Come back to this office tomorrow at 8 a.m.!  
  
Kakashi: (shrugs. Goes back to washing the floors and reading his perverted novel)  
  
FIRST DAY AT WORK...  
  
Director: (taps his foot on the ground) He's late!  
  
Kakashi: (shows up in a suit and tie while his hair is combed neatly and slicked DOWNWARDS) Sorry I'm late. My hair took longer to gel down than I thought...  
  
Kurenai: Wow, that is the guy you had in mind? He's cute! What's with your face mask, though?  
  
Kakashi: (through his surgical mask) I caught a cold. (sneezes, and hair pops back up again, like ping!)  
  
Kurenai: (holds a hand to her breasts) Oh! Very impressive....mmmm... (yes, that was meant to be dirty!)  
  
Director: ahem If you two are done chit-chatting....  
  
KAKASHI AND THE PUDDLE – TAKE 1  
  
Kakashi's Team: (are on their way to the Nation of Waves. Are on the pathway with the unusual puddle on it)  
  
Kakashi: (stops and looks at the puddle. Then whips out a mop and starts mopping it up)  
  
Director: What are you doing to our puddle? That's the setup for the next scene!  
  
Kakashi: Sorry. Bad habit.  
  
KAKASHI AND THE PUDDLE – TAKE 2  
  
Kakashi: (walks on past the puddle like nothing happened.... Then runs back and starts vigorously mopping)  
  
Director: Stop! Stop it! Nooooo....!  
  
Kakashi: Phew! I thought I'd explode....  
  
KAKASHI VS. ZABUZA, 1ST FIGHT  
  
Director: So, you guys are just supposed to be mirror images of one another, all right? Kakashi is using his Sharingan to copy your moves.  
  
Zabuza: Well, all right. Simple enough! (even though he doesn't get it)  
  
Kakashi: (nods sagely. Doesn't get it either)  
  
Director: And...action!  
  
Zabuza: (puts one hand to his lips and raises an arm above his head)  
  
Kakashi: (whips off his mask and starts doing the cha-cha)  
  
Zabuza: :::oh, right. I'm supposed to be copying him!::: (does the cha-cha too)  
  
Director: This will be a VERY long day....  
  
KAKASHI VS. ZABUZA, IN THE BUBBLE  
  
Kakashi: (is trapped in Zabuza's bubble. Why does that sound...wrong? Whips out a perverted novel from his back pocket and starts reading)  
  
Zabuza: (looks over his shoulder) That's some good shit you got right there.  
  
Kakashi: Huh? Oh. Aren't you supposed to be fighting?  
  
Zabuza: Ah, my shadow self will keep your kids occupied for the next couple hours. Hey, can I read?  
  
Kakashi: Sure. (passes the book up to Zabuza...but it won't pass through the bubble)  
  
Zabuza: Haw, damn.  
  
DINNER AT TAZUNA'S  
  
Narato: burp That was good! Uh...Kakashi-sensei?  
  
Kakashi: What?  
  
Sakura: ...How did you eat with your mask on?  
  
Everyone: (blinks at each other)  
  
Kakashi: I did take it off. I guess you missed it.  
  
Everyone On Set: Damn!  
  
KAKASHI VS. ZABUZA, 2ND FIGHT  
  
Kakashi: (readying up his lightning attack. Moves forward to attack Zabuza....)  
  
Haku: (jumps in front of Zabuza and sacrifices himself)  
  
Kakashi: (hand on Haku's chest) ...  
  
Haku: What?  
  
Kakashi: He's a boy. (feels around) Yep.  
  
Zabuza: Damn! I lost the bet!  
  
Haku: :::Why do I feel so molested all of a sudden?:::  
  
DEFEAT OF GATOU'S MEN  
  
Kakashi: (multiplies himself a hundred times)  
  
Kakashi: Hi, I'm Kakashi. Nice to meet you.  
  
Kakashi: Nice to meet you too. I'm Kakashi as well.  
  
Kakashi: Me too. I like your hair.  
  
Kakashi: Thanks.  
  
Sasuke: Idiot.  
  
BONUS FOOTAGE – DINNER BREAK  
  
Kakashi: (is eating at the local Nation of Waves ramen shop...with his mask on)  
  
Zabuza: (also with his mask on) Hey. Mind if I join you?  
  
Kakashi: Sure. (shuffles over)  
  
Zabuza: (sits down and nearly breaks the bench)  
  
Naruto: Hey, watch it!  
  
Zabuza: (slowly sticks up his middle finger) This is what I think of you.  
  
Naruto: O.O Kakashi-sensei, Kakashi-sensei! Zabuza stuck up his middle finger at meeeee!  
  
Kakashi: ...I'm not your sensei. I'm just a janitor....  
  
Zabuza: You? A janitor? (scoffs) How did you land THAT gig?  
  
Kakashi: (shrugs) I'm too stupid and lazy to do anything else.  
  
Zabuza: Woah.... That sounds a lot like me.  
  
Naruto: Baka.  
  
Kakashi: Why? What did you used to do?  
  
Zabuza: (reminisces) I used to be a male model.  
  
Haku: (nearly chokes on his soup) That'stotallygay.  
  
Zabuza: Shut up, hermaphrodite! So, yeah, I used to be a model.  
  
Kakashi: So...what happened?  
  
Everyone: (hanging onto Zabuza's word)  
  
Zabuza: They said my package was too big.  
  
Kakashi: (really chokes on his soup)  
  
Zabuza: (pats Kakashi on the back and nearly sends him flying) Hey, it's okay.  
  
Sakura: I don't get it....  
  
Kakashi: I...see. (takes a sip from his sake) Hey, afterwards, do you want to get piss-drunk and then watch the porn channel at my place?  
  
Zabuza: Sounds like my kind of night! (clinks glasses)  
  
Naruto: Wow, can I come?  
  
Kakashi & Zabuza: No.  
  
Naruto: Baka.  
  
TALKING ABOUT MORINO  
  
(Kakashi, Asuma, and Kurenai are at the teacher's lounge while the genins are writing the chuunin exam written test)  
  
Kakashi: (plops down on a couch)  
  
Kurenai: (sits down RIGHT beside Kakashi and leans into his face) Tell me EVERYTHING about Morino.  
  
Kakashi: Ah...What were my lines again?  
  
Director: Cut! And Kurenai, do you have to sit so close?  
  
Kurenai: Yes.  
  
TALKING ABOUT SEX...I MEAN, MORINO  
  
Kakashi: (is talking to Asuma about Morino)  
  
Kurenai: (strides up and sits right on Kakashi's lap)  
  
Kakashi: Eh....  
  
Director: Cut! Kurenai!  
  
Kurenai: Yes, Director?  
  
Director: (blushes) Aw, geez, you know I don't like it when you call me that...hey!  
  
Asuma: Kurenai.... (tries to see past to Kakashi) You're blocking my view.  
  
TALKING ABOUT...MORINO  
  
Kakashi: (decides to stand, this time, while talking to Asuma)  
  
Kurenai: (walks up to Kakashi and stands right behind him)  
  
Kakashi: (can feel two bumps against his back) Eh....  
  
Director: Kurenai!  
  
Kurenai: But they're always leaving me out of the conversation!  
  
TALKING ABOUT...SEXY MORINO  
  
Kurenai: (strides in) Hey! Where'd Kakashi go?  
  
Iruka: He had to go on a washroom break. I'm filling in!  
  
Kurenai: (walks right up to the bathroom and lets herself in)  
  
Asuma & Iruka: ...  
  
Kurenai: (rushes out) Damn! He turned himself into a log! Now, I got splinters all over me!  
  
Asuma: No commento....  
  
TALKING ABOUT...WHO'S MORINO?  
  
Kakashi: (is sitting on a couch beside Asuma while Iruka is sitting across from them)  
  
Kurenai: (strides in. Immediately starts attacking Iruka and raining him with kisses)  
  
Kakashi: (poofs back into Iruka) How did you know it wasn't me?  
  
Iruka: (poofs back to Kakashi) Eh....  
  
Kurenai: Are you kidding me? Iruka's not even in this scene! I'm not a jounin for nothing you know!  
  
Asuma: Oh, so you finally noticed.  
  
TALKING ABOUT MORINO, DAMMIT! MORINO!  
  
Kurenai: (strides in. Sees Iruka and Asuma sitting there) Okay. Which one of you is Kakashi?  
  
Iruka: It's really us. Kakashi says he quit.  
  
Asuma: Yay. Now you'll have to talk to US!  
  
Kurenai: In your dreams. (starts looking for Kakashi, who's trying to hide behind a potted plant)  
  
TALKING ABOUT SEX. LET'S JUST FACE IT.  
  
Kurenai: (walks in...and sees two Asuma's sitting there) Huh?  
  
Asuma 1: Haha, got you this time.  
  
Asuma 2: The director said you wasn't talking to me enough, so now you got two of us.  
  
Kurenai: ...Is ONE of you Kakashi?  
  
Asuma 2: Not telling.  
  
Kurenai: (sighs) Fine. (casually tips over the vase on the coffee table, spilling water all over the place)  
  
Asuma 1: (rapidly starts wiping the table top) Oh, no.  
  
Kurenai: KAKASHI! (springs over and starts kissing Asuma 1...who stays as Asuma)  
  
Asuma 2: (poofs back to Kakashi and starts snickering)  
  
Kurenai: Uh? Oh, ewwww! Bleh! Bleah!  
  
Asuma: (is hurt) What? Am I really that bad?  
  
Kurenai: (lunges towards Kakashi and tackles him)  
  
Director: Actually, you know, technically that means that Asuma inadvertently kissed Kakashi (amused).  
  
Kakashi: I think I'm being raped here. Someone?  
  
KAKASHI & SASUKE'S SEAL  
  
(after Sasuke's 1-on-1 fight in the chuunin preliminaries, Kakashi attempts to nullify Orochimaru's seal)  
  
Kakashi: (starts drawing little symbols all over Sasuke's body)  
  
Sasuke: Uh...are you sure you know what you're doing? (sees a bunch of smiley- faces and flower doodles)  
  
Kakashi: Mmm. Trust me.  
  
Sasuke: Wait...wasn't that a swear word?  
  
Kakashi: Look. Am I the jounin or are you?  
  
Sasuke: Grrrr....  
  
Kakashi: Okay. Are you ready? (makes Sasuke sit in the middle of the floor where he drew a big happy face made of chalk. Places a hand on Sasuke's neck) Super Duper Happy Seal!!  
  
(a poof of colourful sparkles)  
  
Sasuke: cough cough What did you do?! (his neck now has an EXTRA HEART SHAPE surrounding the Orochimaru mark)  
  
Kakashi: This is the mark of Sailormoon. Now, whenever Orochimaru attempts to take over, all you have to yell is "Moon Power!" and the power of love will eliminate all evil.  
  
Sasuke: (frowns) L...love?  
  
Orochimaru: Did someone call my name?  
  
Kakashi: Do it!  
  
Sasuke: Uh...Moon Power? (goes all sparkly and naked and starts floating around the room)  
  
Orochimaru: (gets impatient) You take even longer to transform than I do!  
  
Sasuke: Oh, what the heck. (whips off his forehead protector ever so slowly and throws it like a Frisbee towards Orochimaru)  
  
Orochimaru: (dramatically) No...noooooo!!! (gets touched ever so slightly by the forehead protector and instantly melts into a pile of dust)  
  
Sasuke: Wow! The power of love really works! I can FEEL it!  
  
Kakashi: Yeah...let's not go overboard now.  
  
BONUS FOOTAGE – PRACTICING OHAYO  
  
Kakashi: (randomly poofs into existence) Ohayo!  
  
Temari: Eeeeeeeek!!  
  
Kakashi: Sorry. Am I interrupting a very intimate moment here?  
  
Gaara: Yes. What's up?  
  
Temari: Gaaraaaaaa!  
  
Kakashi: You guys were really good. Do you think you can do this scene? (flips to a VERY dog-eared page of his perverted novel.)  
  
Gaara: Sure. That's a cinch. Temari!  
  
Temari: You guys are both freaks!  
  
BONUS FOOTAGE  
  
Kakashi: (poofs into existence) Ohayo!  
  
Zabuza: !!!  
  
Kakashi: !!!!  
  
Zabuza: ahem Well, as a model, waxing is---  
  
Kakashi: You DO have a big package. O.O  
  
BONUS FOOTAGE  
  
Kakashi: (poofs into existence) OhayooooOOOOooo!  
  
Kurenai: (is naked in her shower) Let's have sex.  
  
Kakashi: Eh... (stops to think about it...like he even has to think!) ....No thanks. I think I'd rather read about it in instead.  
  
Kurenai: Darn it! 


	4. Gaara outtakes 2

Gaara Outtakes 2

**TEMARI VS. TENTEN**

All: (watching the fight from the sidelines)

Kankurou: Aren't you going to cheer her on? She's your girlfriend, you know.

Gaara: Hmph. Wooh. Temari. (still crossing his arms as still as a statue.)

Lee: Go Tenten! Wooh! Wooh! Wooh! (with arms and legs punching in the air. Gazes at Gaara meaningfully.)

Gaara: (not to be outdone. Whips off his shirt so that his nipples are peeping sexily from the mesh fabric.) If you win, Temari, all this is yours.

Temari: Oooooh, Gaara!

Lee: (cheeks turn pink) Oh, yeah! I can do that too! (takes off his body suit….)

Neji: Lee! Nooooooo!!

Lee: (stands around naked confusedly while everyone starts retching around him, including Tenten) I'm sorry! I forgot to shave today! My apologies!

Kakashi: (muffles his mouth with his hand) His butt's even hairier than Zabuza's….

**GAARA VS. LEE**

Gaara: (sees his name on the billboard. Does nothing.)

Kankurou: (nudging him) Yo. Bro. It's your turn.

Gaara: (walks past the teams like a turtle and makes his slow way down the stairs)

Director: Cut! You're taking too long! I'm wasting too much film!

Gaara: But this thing is so goddamn heavy…. (starts mumbling swear words about his gourd)

Everyone: OO

**GAARA VS. LEE**

Lee: (takes off his weights and lets them fall to the floor. KABOOOOM!)

Gaara: Baki. May I?

Baki: Gaara! No!

Gaara: (unstraps his gourd. The explosion leaves the entire building in crumbles while everyone coughs from the dust)

Kankurou: (looks into the hole the gourd made) Wow. How far did it make it to? Hell?

Gaara: (shakes his head) Past it.

**GAARA VS. LEE**

Gaara: (staring at Lee. Shivers)

Lee: (thinking: He must be scared because I'm so impressive!) (Teeth go ping! And he gives the thumbs up)

Gaara: (thinking: Ohmygod, Hairy Hair. Ohmygod he's coming closer. AAAAHHHH!!)

**LEE OPENS THE GATES – TAKE 1**

Lee: (face burns red as he prepares for Primary Lotus)

Gaara: Hmmm…. (unstraps his gourd and rolls it towards Lee like a bowling ball)

Lee: Huh? Aaaaahhhh!!! (instantly squished flat from the ten ton gourd)

Naruto: That's not a ninja technique!

Gaara: …. Taijutsu.

**LEE OPENS THE GATES – TAKE 2**

Lee: (face burns red as he prepares for Primary Lotus)

Gaara: (yawns. Starts grabbing fistfuls of sand and chucking them at Lee like snowballs)

Lee: Hey, you can't do that! Ouch. Ow! (whines to Gai) He's distracting me!

Director: Cut! Gaara! You're supposed to stand there stupidly while Lee gets time to power up!

Gaara: (starts throwing sandballs at the Director)

**GAARA VS. DOSU – TAKE 1**

Gaara: (gazing at the moonlight on top of the roof)

Dosu: If I kill you, then I have a better chance of fighting Sasuke.

Gaara: Why? You like him?

Dosu: (blushes and points the tips of his fingers together) Maybe….

**GAARA VS. DOSU – TAKE 2**

Gaara: (gazing at the moonlight on top of the roof. Sneezes)

Dosu: Are you all right? I brought a pack of tissues. (holds it up)

Gaara: Thanks. (blows his nose like an elephant) Hey, you're not that bad.

Dosu: Does that mean you're not gonna kill me?

Gaara: No.

Dosu: Damn.

**GAARA VS. DOSU – TAKE 3**

Gaara: (gazing at the moonlight on top of the roof. Kills Dosu before he even gets to say a word)

Director: Cut!

Gaara: Sorry. I got too excited.

**GAARA VS. DOSU – TAKE 4**

Gaara: (gazing at the moonlight on top of the roof)

Dosu: If I kill you, then I have a better chance of fighting Sasuke.

Gaara: So?

Dosu: So…then I will be fulfilling Orochimaru's plans.

Gaara: So?

Dosu: Orochimaru is my boss.

Gaara: So?

Dosu: If I don't kill you, then he'll kill me.

Gaara: So?

Dosu: You're not making any sense!

Gaara: So?

Dosu: Argh!

Gaara: Can I just eat you now?

Dosu: Fine….

**GAARA SPIES ON SASUKE**

Kakashi: Like, you can come out from behind that rock. Your killing intention is sending chills down my spine, yo.

Gaara: (steps out) Sasuke. I have something to ask of you.

Sasuke: Uh…yes?

Gaara: … Dosu wants to know if you'll go out with him.

Sasuke: …Is that it?

Gaara: Yes.

Sasuke: You came all the way up here just to tell me that?!

Gaara: …Yes. Actually, there's something else….

Kakashi & Sasuke: (hold their breaths)

Gaara: …but I forget.

Sasuke: Phew! I mean…tell Dosu 'no'. I mean, I like him, but not in that way. Yeah.

Gaara: (eyes suddenly go wide) Oh, yeah. I just remembered….

Kakashi & Sasuke: (hold their breaths)

Gaara: I killed Dosu.

Sasuke: So why are you bothering ME?!

Gaara: (trying to remember why) Because I feel like it? (asked hopefully)

Sasuke: No.

Gaara: (looks back and forth) Then…I guess I'm going to go now. (hops over the edge and away)

Sasuke: What was THAT all about?

Gaara: (hand suddenly grasps the side of the mountain, like The Monster or The Thing)

Kakashi & Sasuke: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!! (hug each other and run away)

Gaara: (panting, finally swings himself up) I just remembered…. Hey, where'd everyone go?

**THE HOSPITAL VISIT**

Sakura: (visiting Lee at the hospital when a shadow shaped EXACTLY like Gaara looms over her) Hmm. That must be Ino. (spins around)

Gaara: Boo!

Sakura: AIIEEEEEEE!!! (AIIEEEE! echoes down the hall)

**THE HOSPITAL VISIT**

Shikamaru: What was that sound?

Naruto: Must be the wind. (stops eating as a shadow shaped EXACTLY like Gaara looms over his hospital bed) Hmm. That must be Chouji.

Shikamaru: But Chouji's still in bed.

Gaara: (peeks his head in) Boo!

Naruto: AIIIEEEEEEEE!!! (AIEEEE! echoes down the hall)

**THE HOSPITAL VISIT**

Chouji: (sitting up in bed chomping on potato chips) What was that sound?

Ino: I dunno. Sounded like Naruto….

Chouji: (shrugs, when A SHADOW SHAPED EXACTLY LIKE GAARA LOOMS OVER HIM!!!) Hmm…must be…Shikamaru?

Gaara: (peeks his head up from the end of the bed) Boo!

Ino: AAAIIEEEEEEEE!!!

Chouji: AIIIEEEEEE!!! (spills potato chips all over himself. AIIIIEEEEE! echoes down the hall…)

**THE HOSPITAL VISIT**

Gaara: (finally finds the right room. Walks up to Lee and looks down at him. Shivers.)

Lee: (feels a shadow SHAPED EXACTLY LIKE GAARA looming over him) Gai???

Gaara: Boo!

Lee: ….

Gaara: BOO!

Lee: ???

Gaara: Aren't you scared?

Lee: No…. Where's Gai? (looks about confusedly)

Gaara: Can I just eat you now?

Lee: I guess if it makes you happy, then yes. But I don't think it would be very pleasurable since I am so hairy.

Naruto: Found you!

Gaara: Uh…. Boo!

Naruto: AAAIIIIIIIEEEEE!!! (slaps his cheeks)

Shikamaru: Stop acting like a moron!

Naruto: I can't help it! It's a natural reaction!

Shikamaru: (to Gaara) What are you doing here?

Gaara: Well, I was coming here to eat Lee. But then I decided that he would be too hariy, so now I'm not going to.

Shikamaru: That's IT?!?!

Gaara: (looks Naruto and Shikamaru up and down and licks his lips)

Naruto: AIIIIEEEEEE!!

Shikamaru: Shut up! Why do you eat people?

Gaara: … Because I feel like it? (hopeful look)

Naruto: Liar!

Gaara: … Because…when I was younger, everyone avoided me. So now I eat people to feel alive!

Shikamaru: …That doesn't make sense….

Gaara: (gets all defensive) So?

Shikamaru: Eating people doesn't make you alive.

Gaara: So?

Shikamaru: Food makes you alive.

Gaara: So?

Shikamaru: Why do you eat people?

Gaara: So?

Shikamaru: That wasn't a reply!

Gaara: So?

Shikamaru: You're supposed to answer my question with a statement!

Gaara: So?

Shikamaru: Argh!

Gaara: Uh… Boo! (runs away)

Naruto: AAAIIIIIIEEEEE!!! (AIEEEEEEEE! echoes down the hall)

**CHUUNIN EXAM: GAARA VS. SASUKE – GAARA WALKS DOWN THE STAIRS – TAKE 1**

Naruto: AAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE! Gaara ate them! Now he's gonna eat us next!

Shikamaru: Shut up! Just lie low and stay still.

Naruto & Shikamaru: (sit on the steps nervously while Gaara slowly approaches them)

Gaara: #%$! this stupid gourd. %&##$&… (not even watching as he steps between Naruto & Shikamaru. Slips and falls.)

Naruto & Shikamaru: Uhh….

Gaara: (on his back like a turtle still strapped to the gourd) Man, this sucks.

**GAARA WALKS DOWN THE STAIRS – TAKE 2**

Naruto & Shikamaru: (sit on the steps nervously while Gaara slowly approaches them)

Gaara: (walks past Naruto & Shikamaru. Accidentally trips on his sash and goes tumbling the rest of the way.)

Naruto & Shikamaru: Uh….

Gaara: If you walk me down the stairs…I promise I won't eat you? (looks up hopefully while he kicks his little feet in the air)

**GAARA WALKS DOWN THE STAIRS – TAKE 3**

Naruto & Shikamaru: (sit on the steps nervously while Gaara slowly approaches them)

Gaara: Ahem.

Naruto & Shikamaru: (get up and each take a hold of Gaara's hand)

Gaara, Naruto & Shikamaru: (all walk down the stairs holding hands)

Director & Staff: Oh my god, this is too hilarious.

**To be continued??….**


End file.
